This season

Andrew and I had a great conversation yesterday. Things haven't gone the way either of us expected here in Illinois. Nothing huge has happened that would indicate to us that the Lord does not want us here, but we also haven't just clicked into place. We haven't found a church home yet, and the churches we want to be a part of are too far away to really be in fellowship with them. I don't have a job yet, though I have applied to a number of hospitals. The nanny job hasn't really worked out yet. And I don't have an official Illinois nursing license due to a few hang-ups in the process. We have met some other couples where God has provided for them so very richly, in their financial support, in their church support. Things still feel a bit off for us.

Andrew told me that CS Lewis wanted to be a poet, but never really got there. However, he wrote many rich, instructive, beautiful works that have blessed God's people richly. What is God doing with us in this time where things aren't what we thought they would be? We certainly are growing, because it has been difficult at times. I have learned much about worry and anxiety, and how to trust the Lord and rest in His providence and care. And Andrew is learning how to work hard at something, even when he's not exactly sure what the Lord is going to do with it in the end. We both have learned a lot about fighting discouragement with truth. But I'll be honest, it's been hard.

This time has also made me think of missionaries, who go into new situations not knowing exactly what to expect and what the situation will be like. A lot of times there is not fruit or relationships that happen right away, and perseverance is required to continue on faithfully for the sake of the gospel.

I thought that if you go to seminary you know what God is doing with your life, and He paves the way. Not so, self. It's just like the rest of life. Walking by faith, serving the Lord, and submitting to his will humbly. There's uncertainty, there's long days of waiting on the Lord. And all to the end of being more like Christ for His glory.